Kellyisms are the malapropisms that are spoken by Kelly Bundy whenever she employs popular sayings (mottos, mantras, proverbs, and the like). Because of her less-than-stellar education and comprehension, these often are misquoted...sometimes by a single word, sometimes in their entirety.
It should be noted that sometimes, even when using a malapropism, Kelly still gets her point across (if not easily); at other times, it's just awkward and silly. Examples of the former case include Kelly's recollection of an awkward date: "He's a good friend, but I'm not sure I feel comfortable with him touching my homogenized (read: erogenous) zones."
Expressions[]
What Kelly Said | What Kelly Means | Episode |
---|---|---|
ABD | ABC | 5x19 |
Adidas | Adios | 5x10, 10x12 |
Aquarium | Aquarius | 4x19 |
Bras | Brows | 7x15 |
Brazil | Mentioned as a US State | 6x15 |
Bulgaria | Mentioned as a disease | 4x11 |
Buttshell | Nutshell | 9x17 |
Chinese Waiter Torture | Chinese Water Torture | 7x21 |
Coinkidink | Coincidence | 7x02, 7x08 |
Coronary-copia | Cornucopia | 9x12 |
Coyote | Kyoto | 10x10 |
Da-ta | Ta-da | 11x09 |
Dances with Wool | Dances with Wolves | TOTH: 1x03 |
Donald and Daffy Ducci | Donald and Daffy Duck, mixed with Verducci | TOTH: 1x05 |
East Dakota | North/South Dakota | 4x21 |
Electrical | Electoral | 7x07 |
Felines | Females | 9x26 |
Fox paws | Faux pas | 6x23 |
Francis Ford Coppertop | Francis Ford Coppola | 9x23 |
Grey Mattress | Grey Matter | 8x18 |
G-Spot | Ten Spot | 3x21 |
Hunchback | Hunch | 5x24 |
Illegitimate | Illiterate | 4x20 |
Illiteral | Illiterate | 7x08 |
Indonesia | Amnesia | 11x10 |
Inseminations | Insinuations | 5x10 |
Intersections | Interjections | 6x10 |
Jolly Goodfellas | Goodfellas | 10x15 |
Lesbian | Thespian | 9x20 |
Long Island | Los Angeles | 5x23 |
Los Angeles, the Big Apple | New York City is known as the Big Apple | 6x10 |
Magnesia | Amnesia | 7x17 |
Mental pause | Menopause | 7x19 |
Metamucil | Metaphoric | 7x08 |
Ministers | Minerals | 6x17 |
Mistress | Master | 5x10 |
Monte Cristo's revenge | Montezuma's revenge | 5x02 |
North and South Georgia | Mentioned as US States; Georgia (single state) | 6x15 |
Norwegia | Norway | 8x03 |
Optometrist | Optimist | 7x17 |
Ping and pong | Ying and yang | 10x25 |
Poke High | Polk High | 3x03 |
Probation | Prostation | 5x23 |
Proctology | Ecology | 10x07 |
Reincarcerated | Reincarnated | 10x25 |
Rocks | Minerals | 4x02 |
Spinach | Spanish | 10x21 |
Stereo system | Stereotype | 9x08 |
Street Louis | Saint Louis | 9x11 |
Terminus | Terminal | 4x11 |
Testicle | Testica | 11x05 |
Topeka! | Eureka! | 5x06 |
Unconscious | Confucius | 9x26 |
Urethra! | Eureka! | 5x06 |
Vale-dictator | Valedictorian | 10x08 |
Vegetarian | Veterinarian | 8x25 |
Viola | Voilà | 3x18 |
Wallabie | Wannabe | 6x20 |
Statements[]
What Kelly Said | What Kelly Means | Episode |
---|---|---|
As inevitable as death in Texas. | As inevitable as death and taxes. | 4x16 |
Buenos Nachos. |
Buenas Noches. | 5x11 |
B-U-N-D and sometimes Y. | Combination of the spelling of Bundy and English vowels "A-E-I-O-U and sometimes Y". | 9x18 |
Comme ci, comme di. | Comme ci, comme ça. | 9x12 |
Down yours. | Up yours. | 10x15 |
Fly like the beagle. | Fly like an eagle. | 7x15 |
I'm going to hold my breast until I turn blue. | I'm going to hold my breath until I turn blue. | 8x25 |
I'm on the edge of my feet. | I'm on the edge of my seat. | 9x26 |
I'm on the horns of an enema. | I'm on the horns of a dilemma. | 4x21 |
I think something's rotten in the state of Denver. | Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. (Shakespeare) | 4x12 |
I wear my heart on my sleaze. | I wear my heart on my sleeve. | 7x21 |
Is a bear catholic? | Is the Pope a Catholic?/Does a bear shit in the woods? | 9x14 |
It's as easy as 1, 2, C. | It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. | 4x22 |
It's so hot you could lay an egg on the sidewalk. | It's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. | 5x24 |
Mars to Mom. | Earth to Mom. | 11x03 |
My brain beats faster. | My heart beats faster. | 5x19 |
Objection stained. | Objection sustained. | 7x20 |
Quoth the Raven 'Demi Moore'. | Quoth the Raven 'Nevermore'. | 7x16 |
Right, and the check is in my mouth. | The check is in the mail. | 8x21 |
Squid pro quo. | Quid pro quo. | 9x13 |
Strip-search me. | Search me. | 6x04 |
That is the squaw that stroke the camel's sack. | That is the straw that broke the camel's back. | 9x01 |
The defense breasts. | The defense rests. | 7x20 |
The mind wobbles. | The mind boggles. | 6x09 |
The prostitution rests. | The prosecution rests. | 4x18 |
The quest for the holy pail. | The quest for the holy grail. | 7x08 |
Three out of two. | Two out of three. | 11x24 |
You could've knocked me over with the weather. | You could've knocked me over with a feather. | 6x14 |
Your words fall off me like water of a duck's quack. | Your words fall off me like water of a duck's back. | 5x17 |
Wisdom[]
What Kelly Said | What Kelly Means | Episode |
---|---|---|
As Shakespeare said, the plate's the thing. | The play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king. | 7x08 |
Case of rum, case of rum. | Que sera, sera (Whatever will be) | 5x13 |
E before O except before E-I-E-I-O. | A mixture of I before E except after C and the song Old MacDonald had a Farm, E-I-E-I-O as an explanation for the spelling of Sheos. | 9x23 |
Feet are cold, starve for pizza./
Starve a pizza, eat cold feet. |
Feed a cold, starve a fever. | 5x02 |
He who laughs last, laughs west. | He who laughs last laughs best. | 6x20 |
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have seen 'Lost in Space' at all. | It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. | 9x26 |
It turns, therefore I am. | I think, therefore I am. | 6x20 |
Make new thoughts, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is old. | Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. | 6x20 |
Mom and Dad are my relatives, therefore I am. | Combination of Einstein's theory of relativity and René Descartes' I think, therefore I am. | 3x22 |
There, before the flippers, go I. | There, before the grace of God, go I. | 4x10 |
Those who can - do, those who can't - do not. | Those who can - do, those who can't - criticise/teach. | 9x15 |
To be forewarned, is to have four arms. | Forewarned is forearmed. | 5x08 |
Use a condom, go to jail. | Use a condom, go to school. | 6x01 |
Non-Kelly Kellyisms[]
What Was Said | What Was Meant | Episode |
---|---|---|
You have nothing to fear, but fear strikes out | We have nothing to fear but fear itself | 5x17 (Franklin D. Roosevelt) |