The Worst Noel

The Worst Noel is the 13th episode of season 8 of Married... with Children, also the 170th overall series episode. Directed by cast member Amanda Bearse and written by Larry Jacobson, it premiered on FOX-TV on December 19, 1993.

Synopsis

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud struggle to get a jukebox into the house without Al and Peg (who spend the entire episode arguing over what to watch on TV) seeing them.

Storyline

On Christmas Eve, Kelly and Bud try to sneak in a jukebox to give to their parents who spend the entire show sitting in front of their TV set arguing with each other over the proper speed for channel switching. Also, Marcy and Jefferson throw a wild Christmas party next door and do not tell Al about it!

Scene execerpts

Quotes from scenes

Al: What's on now?
Peg: I Love Lucy.
Al: Well I hate Lucy. The real star was Fred. They should've killed off Ethel, Lucy and that illegal alien... Made Fred a single man and called it "Mertz's World", but oh well.

Peg: What does Cheers have to do with Christmas?
Al: What does NBC have to do with television?

Peg: You're going too fast, I can't... what was that? What was that? What was that?
Al: A "Bewitched" with Dick York, not Dick Sargent, as Darrin, a "Gilligan" where the gorilla comes to the island, a "Full House" Christmas special where they get snowed in at the airport, and the mating habits of the Amazonian catfish with Phillipe, not Jacques Cousteau.
Peg: You can see all that, but you can't see the rim around the toilet?
Al: I see what I want to see.

Peg: Oooh, look, "It's A Wonderful Life".
Al: Peg, I hate this movie.
Peg: How can you hate "It's A Wonderful Life"?
Al: Because it's a horrible life. You know the reason they never made a sequel? Because when the guy came back he killed himself. And this time he took that angel with him. This must be written by a woman. This stinks, it bites, it blows. But if you wanna watch it, Peg...

Kelly: [about a juke box] Well, we can take it upstairs and hide it in one of our rooms?
Bud: Oh, no problem. Just let me eats me spinach first.

Al: You know, Marcy, it's a damn shame you're not having a Christmas party this year. I had a really good time at the last one. Remember, I got 95 cocktail weenies stuffed in my mouth? I would have gotten 96 in if I didn't have to sneeze. Hey, you remember the look on your boss's face? It's a shame you're not having a Christmas party for a got a whole new batch of dwarf jokes to tell this year.

Announcer: And now the Black Entertainment channel presents: It's a Malcolm X-mass.

Announcer: A&E is proud to present: It's a Hitler Christmas.
Al: A&E? I thought we had that blocked!

Al: Oh, no. Not Sally Struthers feeds the Third World channel. Hey, Sally, open your purse up! I'm sure there's enough Ding-Dong's and Ho-Ho's in there to open a new Seven-Eleven! That's that every starving kid needs, someone like Sally standing their while they're eating saying, "are you gonna finish that?"

Kelly: We wouldn't be having this problem if we had used a see-saw.
Bud: We wouldn't be having this problem if Dad had used a condom.

Recurring Cast/Regulars

Trivia

The title of this episode is a reference to the traditional Christmas carol "The First Noel"
Al mentions Michael Bolton, a musician known for his pop ballads.
A poster for rapper Ice Cube's 1991 album "Death Certificate" can be clearly seen through Bud's bedroom window.
When Al and Peg receive the Nat King Cole record from Bud and Kelly, Peg mentions that "It's been so long since I've heard Nat without Natalie", a reference to Natalie Cole, re-recoring her father's classic hits so she could sing alongside him during 1990s.
This episode happens in real time.

Goofs

Whenever Marcy opens the front door, the music from the Christmas party she is hosting can clearly be heard; however, when it cuts to Bud and Kelly outside no music can be heard at all even though their backyard is right next to the D'arcys'.