The Dance Show

The Dance Show was the 5th episode of season 5 of Married...With Children. Directed by Gerry Cohen and written by Arthur Silver, the episode premiered on FOX on October 21, 1990.

Synopsis

Peg meets a handsome man at a dance club, while Al meets the handsome man's husband (played by Simpsons voice actor Dan Castellaneta). Unknowing that the handsome man is homosexual, Peg flirts with him. His husband cooks a nice meal for Al.

Plot description

A close up of Kelly's smilling face is shown as "Hail To The Chief" is playing . Then, a voice can be heard.

Annoucer: Kelly Bundy, you have just been elected President of the United States. What message would you give to the American people?

Kelly: Let's dance!

Kelly is then shown sitting on the couch, dancing to some instrumental music in her head. Bud, dressed up, comes down and realzies that she is having her president dream again and tries to get her attention. As she jokes, "Who let the dog in the White House", he takes a seat next to her and asks her to smell him, as he has a date. She takes a whiff and comments:

"Ah, that daring combination of Noxima and Vasaline. You know, it has that sexy 'Just out of the hospital' smell"

Bud tells her that its a cologne called "Open Sesame" by Buster Douglas, with the tagline "One shot and you're down for the count". Kelly tells him that he needs to realize that he is a "cootie" and should either settle for a female version of himself, calling that a "cootessa" or try a real girl, but in that case, he'll need money.

Al then comes inside and depressingly announces that he's home, which causes the kids to leap up and run to

The kids trying to get some cash from Al

him, screaming "Money! Money!, Money!". He tries to keep them at bay, saying "Back you dogs!" while trying to swat them away and the yells "Sit! Down! Heel!". They briefly stop and he tells them that he swears that he has no money, but Kelly pushes him down on the couch, calling him a liar and the kids then proceed to strip search Al, before Bud finally finds a wad of cash in Al's shoe and they run out the door. Al tries to beg them to at least leave him a couple of dollars as he is starving, but they get out before he can finish talking. Feeling depressed, he thinks that Peg will make him dinner. She is heard yawning before coming down the stairs, and when she reaches Al, she tells him how nice it feels to nap for 8 hours in the day and 8 hours again at night, before asking him if he's leaving or just came home. She then sits down and asks him what should they do for the evening.

Al: "Peg, I thought tonight we might do something different. You know the newly wed couple at the end of the block...[grins] I peaked in their window."

Peg: "Oh you're so kinky, baby!"

Al: "Peg..[grins with a mischevious smile] I wanna do what they were doing!"

Peg: "Well I'm game! What where they doing?!"

Al: "[Yelling] They were eating! Like everyone else on the block, like on every other block, all over across the country! Feed Me! Feed Me! You don't have any food! That's alright! Take an arm, cook it up, pass the ketchup! Just feed me!"

Peg, not moved by his speech, suggests they could go see a movie by Woody Allen called "Oh My Head" starring Shirley MaCalaine, Glen Close, Meryl Streep and Sally Suthrers, but Al keeps begging to be fed. The doorbell rings and she tell him to open the door, but he says no. She then tricks him, by telling him that she had ordered him a pizza and its probably the delivery person. Giddy, he runs up to the door, but finds Marcy there instead, saying "Well its flat and cheesy, but its no pizza." and then tells Peggy its Frosty the No-Man. Peggy then laughs at Al for thinking that she would even bother ordering pizza in the first place. Marcy takes a seat and asks her what she is planning to do tonight, but Al cuts in and continues to ask her if she really did order him pizza, which she then tells him that she did, making him more excited as he stares out the door. Peggy then jokes that her evening entertainment is taken care of and Marcy tells him that she is going to go dancing, inviting her to join her for the night. Peg is hesitant, but then Al, still giddy about the pizza she falsely promised him mentions that if the delivery driver is 20 minutes late, then its free. Seeing how things are going, she asks Al if its ok if she goes out with Marcy, but Al tells her he doesn't care and then asks her if she remembered to order extra cheese on the pizza, as she is suppose to know how much he loves extra cheese pizza. Al's stomache is then heard making a large growl and he tries to comfort it, reassuring himself that the pizza is coming as he looks out the door window in desperation.

Peggy, in a red dress and Marcy, in a trenchcoat, arrive at a fancy dancehall. Peg is feeling guilty for having some fun while Al is alive, but Marcy reassures its perfectly fine for them to have some innocent fun, before she removes her trenchcoat, revealing a black dress and a group of men run up to greet her. Peg, now alone, scopes out the area and comments on how sad these people are for looking for some human contact. Suddenly, a man in a dress suit comes from behind and asks her to dance and she immediately agrees. As they dance, she comments on how dry he is, while he comments on how red she is, before asking if he could lead next time. As they continue, she mentions that she hasn't had sex in two years, and hasn't dance in twelve years. He then comments she took his wallet, but they laugh it off and continue to dance and enjoy the evening.

Bud flirting with Trixie

The next evening, at the Bundy house, Bud is on the couch with a ditzy girl in a black dress named Trixie. He promises to take her wherever she wants and get whatever she wants, which she mentions that she doesn't want to be on a bus and she wants to be fed. Al comes in and Bud runs up to him, asking for $20. Al comments that she's a tramp and Bud nods in agreement, causing Al to grin and give him the money. The girl heads out the door and mentions that she like his cologne, but he knows she's lying.

Peggy comes down and tells him that she's going out dancing again and that she did buy pizza for him this time, but he insist that she's lying, saying that he stood around looking for the pizza man last time, the kids in the neighborhood that he was a jack-o-lantern. He then tells her "Feed me, or feed me to something. I just want to be part of the food chain". She then tries to convince him to join her for some dancing and he can hold her like he used to, but he mentions that it happened only because of "a six pack and a dare". Bitter, she decides to going dancing alone and tells him that its getting harder to fight off the attention she's getting from the men, but he sarcastically tells her that if she does leave with one of those guys, to promise Al not to cook for those guys. She then tells him that that he stinks and he comes back with "Wash my socks". As she leaves, Kelly, humming "Hail to the Chief", comes down and asks Al why does he let Peggy go dancing, which he tells her its something married people do, so they don't have to see each other all the time, but Kelly offers her opinion:

"Well every time that mom goes out, she asks its OK with you. Its because she wants you to say 'Don't go! Stay here with me! I love you!'  See, sometimes people just test you to see if you care...[hesitantly] Anyhow, I'm going out...I got a date with three bikers...one of them just got out of prison...I probably won't be home till about 3 or 4 in the morning [looks at Al with sad eyes]"

Kelly's attempt to get Al's love and attention

Not noticing the look that she is giving him, he tells her to have a good time, and as she gets up and slowly walks out the door, she keeps looking back in sadness before heading out the door. Al then wonders if that was a desperate cry for help, before the doorbell rings, ruining his chance to be alone for the night. Grabbing the baseball bat and sarcastically hoping its a Jehovah's Witness, he's opens the door to find a bald man who tells Al that his husband, Andy, has been seeing Peggy.

The bald man, Pete, comments on how serious this issue is, as Andy had previously been with a woman and he's now afraid that he was going to become straight again with Peg. He mentions that he followed the two to the dance hall every Tuesday and Thursday, observing all that is going on with them, before breaking down and crying. Al tries to comfort him, asking him if there's any domestic issues, but Pete reassure him that they have a great sex life (which Al doesn't want to hear about), that he makes him dinner every night (which Al wants to hear about) and that he works as an office manager earning $40,000 a year. Al is jealous, saying that he deserves the punishment of being with Peg. Pete tries to blame himself as Andy likes to go out, while he likes to stay home and watch sports ("Except for soccer, I mean that's not really a man's game"). Hearing all this about Pete, Al tells him that he's in love with him.

At the dance hall, Peggy is sitting with Marcy, who is sitting on a sailor's lap and wearing his hat. She is complaining about Andy not making a move on her, but Marcy is busy admiring the sailor's tattoo on his chest. She then continues on that she want to "just turn him on, drive him wild, make him sweat and then say no, just like I was always meant to in high school". Andy stops at a table before Peggy's, taking his wallet out of his back pocket and puts it in his sock, and then greets Peg. As they dance to some latin music, he mentions that he finds her to be the most beautiful woman he's met, with the exception of Judy Garland and his mother, making Peggy feel embarrassed. As they continue, he tells her that he wants to be honest with her, but she mentions that she has something to confess as well. She mentions that she is engaged, before changing her story and revealing that she is married. He also confesses that he is married, but she gets upset and calls him a pig for leading her on. He then defends his actions, saying he was just looking to have some fun and that just because they are married doesn't mean they are dead. Peggy eventually agrees with him and says that the one good thing about them both being married is that they don't have to worry about turning each other on, before she starts to grind on him and then he comes back and buries his face in her chest as she walks backwards.

Back at the Bundy house, Al is wolfing down a large steak and then Pete, with a wine glass in hand, brings him

Al showing Pete the dog bowl he shares with Buck

bundt cake served in Buck's dog bowl. Al eagerly grabs a slice and notices its warm, which Pete tells him that he just baked it. He then apologizes about serving it in Buck's bowl, but notes that they don't have any dishware in the house. Al reassures him that its ok, pointing that Buck's bowl also has his name on it. He then tells Pete to sit next to him, but then Pete mentions that he really wants Andy back and if there is anyway he could talk to him. Al becomes concerned that he'll lose personal time with his new buddy, but Pete reassures him that he'll make time for him, such as going to a bowl game and having a picnic with crispy fried chicken and even his own food bowl. Al is hesitant, but Pete reassures him that he is not a food tease, but he'll make it happen only if Al follows through and talks to Andy. Reassured now, Pete offers up a toast and says "To you, Al" before Al raises his steak and says "To us" and clinks his meat with Pete's wine glass.

Back at the dance hall, Andy laughs at the notion that Al is a shoe salesman, but Peg tells him that "he thought he start at the bottom and stay there". Al then walks through the dance floor and Peg notices him. When she mentions it, Andy tries to run off, but  Peg holds him, telling him that he should hold her to make Al jealous. He then notices Al's size, but Peg reassures him that she' won't let him hurt Andy, but as soon as he gets there, Peggy changes her story and tells Al that he tried to do things to her. Andy, now nervous, is asked by Al if he is the guy that's been dancing with his wife and then tells Andy to go over to a table so they can talk in private. As Peg is admiring Al for going after her and thinking that he does care for her, Marcy is now laying down on the laps of two guys. Meanwhile, he is talking to Andy and tells him:

"Look I don't care what your doing with my wife. But you got a good man at home that any man would be proud to call his wife. He cooks. He cleans. He works. You've obviously gotten over that little 'He's a man' thing. So what else do you want from the poor guy?"

Peggy looks on, saying how cute Al is for being jealous, but Al is still continuing on with his speech:

"Now I'm the one that oughta be going out at night. I'm married to that over there. [points to Peggy's table]. But you..you ought to be home with a man who can bake a potato like nobody's business."

Andy is surprised at the fact that Al had Pete's potato, and Al says he would have also had some of Pete's peach cobbler if Buck didn't come to take his bowl back. He then tells Andy to go home and tell Pete that he loves him. Andy tries to interject and tell Al he should do the same, but Al tells him to mind his own business. He then takes his wallet out of his sock and puts its back in his pocket and Al then does the opposite, before Andy goes home. Peg comes up and accuses Al of being jealous, but he denies it. She keeps it up, and he eventually does admit it in order to appease her. She then makes him dance with her, talking about how sexy Andy

Al revealing the truth about Andy

was, but Al is trying to keep count. She then coninues that this should be a lesson for Al, in that she could have any guy she wants if Al no longer wants her and that Andy wanted her bad, which Al shrugs off. She tells him:

"Oh admit that you're lucky to have me as your wife. I could have had anyone. I could have had Andy at the snap of a finger. He was sexy. He was hot. He was..."

Al interrupts her with a grin and says "He was a homo, Peg."

Trivia

• The song that Kelly hears in her head and later hums to herself is, "Hail To The Chief, which is the offical presidental anthem for the President of the United States, typically played whenever he makes a public apperance.
• Pete is played by actor Dan Castellaneta , who is best known for providing the voice of Homer Simpson (and numerous other characters) on Fox's longest running animated series, The Simpsons. He would later reappear on MWC, playing a funeral director in season 7's Death of a Shoe Salesman
• Andy is played by actor Sam McMurray, who has appeared in various televion shows and movies, such as Raising Arizona, The King of Queens and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. He is also a voice actor, lending his voice to various animated series such as Batman Beyond, The Boondocks, Bonkers and Pound Puppies.
• Dan Castellaneta and Sam McMurray were both credited as special guest stars in this episode, because they were also starring in another hit Fox show, The Tracy Ullman Show, at the time.
• Bud mentions Buster Douglas who is a former undisputed heavyweight professional boxer, best known for knocking Mike Tyson out in a highly publicized match on February 11, 1990. He would eventually lose the heavyweight champion title to Evander Holyfield on October 25, 1990, 4 days after the airing of this episode.
• Bud's date in this episode, Trixie, would later reappear as his date again, in All Night Security Dude and like in this episode, he would have to beg Al for money to take her out.

Guest stars/Recurring cast

Recurring cast 

• Amanda Bearse as Marcy Rhoades
• Buck as Buck Bundy the Bundy's dog

Guest starring

• Dorit Sauer as Mr. Lincoln
• Dan Castellaneta as Pete
• Sam McMuarry as Andy