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A Man's Castle is the the 15th episode of season 5 of Married...With Children, also the the 95th overall episode of the series. Directed by Gerry Cohen, and written by Stacie Lipp, the episode premiered on FOX, airing on February 17, 1991.

DescriptionEdit

An eager Al, Kelly and Bud are sitting at the kitchen table, waiting to have some food for once after having sent Peggy out to get them food. Al reassures the kids that this is no pipe dream, as he "gave your mother some money, towed her car to the supermarket, tied her hands to the cart, put my foot on her rear and jump started her towards the meat department." As the kids get more excited, Bud asks Al to tell him what supper was like when he was growing up. Al, happy to see his kids wanting to hear his story again, tells them:

"Well, back in the old days, whenever the sun would go down, we'd gather at a table, much like this one...matter of fact, it was this one. And there before us, stretched as far as the eye could see...was meat. Oh, do I remember the meat...I was only 5 years old, but I remember my dad telling me 'Save your table scraps for mommy'. Of course we never did...[looks up to the ceiling] Oh look dad, you're little boy is eating again"

As Al starts to cry, Bud pats him on the shoulder and Kelly asks him who made this meal. He says back then, she was called mother and points out that "mother meant 'Home Cookin' then. Of course, back then gay meant "Happy"". Bud asks if they had vegetables too, but Al says:

"Yeah, but we pushed them off to the side...save room for the biscuits and the butter.. and not the hard butter either... that cruely rips the bread. But soft butter, that spreads smooooth like your grandma's butt on a bar stooll"

As Peggy's humming is heard near the door, Al and the kids pick up their forks and knives, waiting for their promised meal, until Peg finally enters with only a small brown bag containing a magazine. Angry, they drop the utensils and run towards Peg, picking her up and giving her a pat down, while Bud yells "Where's our meat, woman!?" before finding out that she has no food for them. Peg then criticizes Al for the kids riled up about eating and that he won't be happy until she's afraid to come home like he is. Kelly, now frustrated about Al's story getting her hopes up for food and also at Peggy for wasting money on a magazine, before saying its "just another meatless Monday. This is no funday" and then starts to shake while having a breakdown. Al says she's having a meat de-tease and tells Bud to take her for a walk, adding "...don't tie her to a hydrant and go for a soda like last time. Just because she can't think doesn't mean she can't feel". Peg chimes in and says it would be good for Bud to be seen with a pretty girl, but he points out that everyone will think he just paid for her, before Al threatens to slap him across the face. As they open the door, Kelly sees Buck with a bone with meat and they both eagerly chase after him.

Now alone with Peg, Al tells her to take her clothes off. Thinking they going to have sex, Peg gets excited, but Al tells her he needs to see her naked just to keep him from thinking about food and then questions her on what she spent the $20 he gave her for food on. She reveals that she spent it on food for herself and the magazine she's reading, Amazing Homes and then asks him why don't they have a nice house like she's seeing in the magazine, before sarcastically pointing out that those houses belong to Bob Hope and a drug lord and that with his $3.20/hr paycheck, she should be sitting her worthless rear end on a bigger couch. She then tells him that he can be romantic when he wants to, and reveals she could have married someone else with a better life, but she had settle with Al instead.

Walking back to the kitchen, she convinces Al that the magazine  points out that they can make their house look good with a designer's eye and not a lot of money, before revealing she spent $2000 to enroll in the
A man's castle 3

Al reacting after finding out about Peg spending $2000 on an interior design class

Cook County school of Interior Design, claiming she may have found her true calling, causing Al to feint and swallow his tongue. After she picks up back up, he says its his fault, as he could have easily said no and taken a shotgun blast to the back from one of Peggy's uncles at their wedding. But Peggy points out that if he did, then they would have missed have fun at the reception, where Al's father commented to her "If you like my son, I'm twice as fun" and then continues to try to get Al on board with her plan, as her assignment for tomorrow is to take one room in the house and redecorate it. Al tries to use his veto power, saying its his house and "if you want it to look better, dust...if you want it to smell better, cook...it you want it to be happy, leave...but do not touch this house, I am not a man happy with change" . Sad about hearing this, Peg finally agrees to, but wishes a pox on him for ruining her chance to put her skills to use.

The next night, Al comes home from work and looks around, making note of what still looks normal in the living room. He runs upstairs to see if anything else was changed while Bud enters the house. He shouts out that Peggy finally listened to him and seeing Bud as he comes down the stairs, tries to tell him the good news and what it means to be a man, but Bud misinterprets it and tries to change the subject, saying that its not like he wants to be home early on a Friday night, as he's trying to find a date instead of hearing chants of "Bud, Bud, alone he'll sit...Bud, Bud, will touch no..." as Al stops him from continuing on and refocusing the discussion that Peg finally listened to him because he is the head of the household and to remember that no matter where he goes in the world, the man is in charge, because there is always a word for "man".  Bud, upon hearing his speech, asks if Al really is his dad, to which he says that he had immediately blood test done upon his birth. He tells Bud that he's going to celebrate his victory the way men around the world do, by grabbing a newspaper and heading to the bathroom in the garage. But upon entering his bathroom, he is shocked to see his bathroom, now covered in pink fluff and feminine accessories, before passing out in shock.

Back on the couch, Bud is placing an ice pack on Al's forehead and tells Al that he's been out cold for 45 minutes. Al then asks why didn't he bother to get him sooner, but Bud tells him that he's always in the bathroom for 45 minutes and even did 45 minutes in the bushes of their neighbors (the Jenkins as Al points out, which he said was a good spot and thanks to him, their roses won prizes that year). Peggy comes in and asks where Kelly is, as they haven't seen since he took her for a walk. A nervous Bud tells them he forgot to untie her, telling them "How much trouble can she get into double knotted to a telephone pole in front of the Pussycat Theater?" before quickly running out of the house. Peggy then talks to Al and asks him how he likes it, which he then describes as if her hair grew and took over his bathroom. He then complains that she turned his mighty Ferguson toilet into Fergie by decorating it with pink frilly covering and there was nothing of his left in there. Peg ensures him that his stuff is still there, but he'll have to look through things such as her bra rack and tampon carousel. Al accuses her of lying to him, but she defends herself saying the bathroom isn't an actual room, but Al says it is, as it name says so and that it came from the Greek word "bath-roc-a-po-lis" as a way for Greek men to escape their wives and camels. He says that he now has to use Peg's bathroom, but she warns him that its even more feminine, as it is decorated with ballerina faucets, a bidet and a Mel Gibson shower head.

She then reveals that her class is coming by to grade her tonight and Al is freaking out now, because he realizes that he can't even use his own bathroom now. She tells him that he should give it a try at the very least, as she added a special feature: the toilet plays "We've Only Just Begun" when flushed, which Al points out was their wedding song and it makes his innards go solid. She tells him to give the room a try and if he doesn't, then he he'll never have to do it again, which he says that's how Bud was conceive, before she pushes him into the garage and in front of the bathroom

As Al approaches the bathroom door, a loud but steady heartbeat can be heard. He opens the door, scanning the overly pink room from the the toilet to the counter and the heartbeat becomes louder and faster as he continues to scan the room. As he enters further in, the heartbeats keep increasing as he sees his toilet. He sits down on it and looks at the counter, before shrieking horror sound effects are heard, the heartbeats become even more faster and Al zooms in on the hair curlers, shampoo, make up and finally an old picture of Peggy which suddenly transforms into a live picture of the Grim Reaper staring back at him and Al screams out in horror, pulling up his pants and running back to the living room begging for his bathroom to return back to normal, but Peg tells him no. He pleads with her telling her "A bathroom should be cold, white, soothing...it should say "Step up to the bowl partner and make it a double"" and saying that his toilet is no longer a man now, but she continues to ignore his requests. He tells her that this has become a battle of wits and that there are plenty of other women would gladly let him use their bathroom, so he gives an ultimatum to change the bathroom back.

Al at the gas station

Al waiting in line with the other guys waiting to use the bathroom at a gas station

Al is now standing outside a gas station with a bunch of other men waiting to use the bathroom. One mentions that he's in line because his mother in law is visiting. Another says his daughter is home from college. They asks Al what's his deal, he tells them "Wife made the bathroom pink" which makes the guys pity him and let him move up to the head of the line. He thanks them and asks them what is like in there, which one of them says "White, cool, graffiti disparaging women and a couple of boast from guys about how long it would take them to get Connie Chung pregnant"

He then knocks on the door, asking if the guy in there fell in and then a slow flush is heard, followed by a heavy set guy smoking a cigar coming out and putting an "Out of Order" sign on the door, causing Al and the guys to jeer the guy as he walks away. Al then asks where can they go now, and one suggests they head across the state line to Barney's, which no longer has gas pumps, but acres of toilets. Al then asks the guys why are they doing this:

"Now wait a minute guys...I know I'm the new guy here and its not my place to speak up, but.. what are we doing?... We're men. We were put on this planet to...well, i don't know what we were put on this planet to do, but we're here, damn it!

And we're Americans...and we have a right the use the best bathroom system in the free world. Are we to use a gas station bathroom like some common ruskie? We're being driven from our homes, room by room, running like a Frenchman from a cap gun.

And from whom? From our women...they've taken over our closets, driven us out of our bedrooms by their very nakedness. Now you guys can take it, but not this yankee doody dandy...Tonight I'm reclaiming my toilet bowl!"

The men cheer Al on as he walks back home, but the men aren't as moved, as they seem more content on seeing just how bad the clogged toilet can be.

A man's castle 4

Peg's classmates pointing out the major design no-no in the room

Back at the Bundy house, Peggy is arranging fabrics on the couch and Al, holding a large brown bag, tells Peg that he is going to take back his bathroom, but the doorbell rings and Peggy's professor and classmates come in. Looking around, the professor asks what are the major fashion no-nos they see there and they all point to Al, who is sitting in the kitchen looking frustrated, but Peggy tells the class to ignore him. He gives her a final warning, but she laughs it off. Realizing he has no choice now, he opens up the brown bag, while Bad to the Bone starts to play, revealing the bag contains a bottle of Tapatio hot sauce, a container of nachos, two tacos and two burritos. He starts to chug a portion of the hot sauce and after having a reaction with it, he decides to pour it on the rest of the food before taking one more swig. Then he starts to take a bite out of all the food and develops a crazed look on his face as he goes for more of the hot sauce and continues eating, until he forcefully swallows the last few bites and his look changes into the famous Bundy grin. He then takes a newspaper and quickly makes his way up the stairs. The song stops, and after some silence, the professor, Peggy and the classmates run down the stairs and out the house in horror.

The screen then turns black and the onscreen text reads: "And the very next day, Al got his bathroom back", while Bad to the Bone resumes.

Recurring cast/Guest starsEdit

Guest starringEdit

TriviaEdit

  • The title of this episode is a refference to the saying "A man's home is his castle"
  • In this episode, Al reveals he's earning $3.20/hour at work.
  • It is revealed that Al and Peggy's wedding song is We've Only Just Begun by The Carpenters
  • Kelly's line "just another meatless Monday. This is no funday" is a parody of the chorus to the 1986 song, Manic Monday by The Bangels, which goes "Its just another Manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. That's my Funday".
  • As the guys point out at the gas station, it was well known during the early 1990s that news anchor Connie Chung spent a lot of time trying to get pregnant with her husband, talk show host Maury Povich, even though she was in her 40s at the time and had given up a successful news career in order to conceive a child with him. This was also parodied on a segment of Fox's In Living Color in a music video called "We Want Maury!" (a parody of the song, Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew). Unsucessful with their numerous attempts, the couple eventually adopted a son in 1995.
  • The Pussycat Theater that Bud mentions was a chain of porn theaters that operated from the 1960s till 2001, though they were all based in California.
  • This is one of the episodes where we see a sink in Al's bathroom.
  • This episode is on the Married With Children's Most Outrageous Episodes, Volume 2.
  • Neither Buck, Marcy or Jefferson appear in this episode, although Buck's name is mentioned.
  • The bathroom scenes were influenced by the 1960s movie "Psycho"

GoofsEdit

  • When Bud comes in the house and puts his jacket on the chair closet to the door, it immediately falls off. When he leaves the house to go get Kelly in a later scene, he picks his jacket up off of that chair, even though we see it fall to the floor.
  • When Peg comes in after Bud helped Al when he fainted, the shadow from an overhead light can be seen moving across the couch.

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